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Neither Good Nor Bad: All Behavior Is a Form of Communication

All behavior is a form of communication. A small child peers out from behind a large card he is holding on a stick. The card has an image of another child sitting cross-legged with words at the top that say, "calm/tranquilio/a".

Behavior is a form of communication that signals or indicates thoughts and emotions. Learning to self-regulate feelings can be a lifelong process with beginnings in early childhood. 

In this blog, we look at some of the ways educators can prepare themselves and their students for successful learning by understanding the various factors that come into play when young children communicate, verbally and non-verbally.

Laughter and giggling accompany the sweet, lilting sounds of singing as the group of preschool children hold hands and circle around their teacher. 

“This is the way we greet the day, our classroom way, we say hooray!” 

The volume reaches a crescendo as each pair of hands reaches up to the sky at the word “Hooray!” 

All, but for one small pair of hands belonging to the child crouched under a desk, hiding his face from his circle of peers.

“Come back to the circle, come back, come back” sings the teacher, desperately hoping to maintain the moment. But circle time is permanently disrupted as the children’s hands separate while they stop to locate their missing classmate.

What is this child trying to say? What do they not have words for? There are so many possibilities. The only thing we know for certain is that the child is communicating something and attempting to self-regulate feelings. 

Now consider the children who were smiling, laughing, and singing in the circle. These, too, are forms of communication. But in an early childhood environment where learning is the goal, we often notice only those behaviors that disrupt our schedule. It takes time and plenty of forward learning to be proactive, to be prepared to notice each behavior while acknowledging and regulating our own feelings.

All behaviors are a form of communication.

Emotions and Feelings

Emotional self-regulation can be an ongoing challenge for people throughout their lifetime and something almost everyone can strive to improve. The ability to experience strong emotions while behaving in a healthy way in uncertain and ever-changing environments can be a lifelong journey! The small children and the teacher in this vignette are examples of how we all experience an array of sometimes conflicting feelings, and how our behavior reflects those feelings.

Emotions researchers have put feelings into five major categories (Atlas of Emotions, n.d.):

Anger. We get angry when something blocks us or when we think we’re being treated unfairly.

Disgust. Feeling disgusted by what is toxic helps us to avoid being poisoned, physically or socially.

Enjoyment. Enjoyment describes the many good feelings that arise from experiences both novel and familiar.

Fear. Our fear of danger lets us anticipate threats to our safety.

Sadness. Sadness is a response to loss, and feeling sad allows us to take a time-out and show others that we need support.

Now consider the preschool environment. Challenging behaviors are a typical element of learning to self-regulate feelings and behavior in the early years. The five major categories of emotions can help adults understand the underlying cause of a child’s feelings and behavior and form a positive and proactive response.

Before stepping into a discussion on child behavior—positive or challenging—let’s look at everyone’s needs and wants to determine the difference between the two.

Needs Versus Wants

Children want and deserve to know the “why” behind a request or directive. Consider the reasons we want children to conduct themselves in a certain way. Is it imperative so that everyone in the group is able to learn? Or, were we up all night preparing a fun lesson and have a preconception of the way things “should” look? Simplify and streamline. If it isn’t necessary, and as difficult as it may be, consider throwing it out!

Certainly, educators need an environment that is conducive to learning. That may look different at certain times of the day, such as large-muscle playtime or quiet reading time. Making a list of the essentials for optimal learning and letting go of unnecessary wishes might lessen tension and challenging behavior.

An young male adult sits on one side of a desk facing two small children exhibiting different forms of behavior as communication. One child has  turned away from the desk and is paying attention to something happening elsewhere in the room, while the other child is holding his hands over his mouth hiding a laugh.

Temperaments Are Unique

We are each born with certain temperaments. For instance, we might hear children labeled as shy, sensitive, flexible, or difficult. Personality researchers identified nine biologically based, consistent traits that affect a child’s response to other people and the environment. Realizing that these traits tend to appear in groups, the researchers settled upon three distinct temperament types (Chess & Thomas, 1996). 

Easy-going. The easy-going child might be labeled flexible. They are generally happy from birth, amenable to change, and adaptable to routines.

Slow-to-warm. This is the child that may be labeled sensitive or shy. They are reserved, prefer to observe, and need time to adjust to new situations.

Active. The active child, alas, might be labeled difficult. They can be unpredictable, with enthusiastic or intense physical and emotional reactions to experiences and people.

There is no good or bad in temperament, but the match between caregiver and child may increase tension if the caregiver exhibits a preference for one temperament type or another. High-energy adults may easily identify with active children while having trouble ‘relating’ to those slow to warm. Adult education and awareness are the first steps in ensuring all temperaments are nurtured. When educators are aware, they can adjust their actions to help meet the needs of each child. For instance, slow-to-warm children may need more time for transitions. Knowing this, a caregiver can start to prepare children ahead of time for what is coming. 

There is no good or bad in temperament, but the match between caregiver and child may increase tension if the caregiver exhibits a preference for one temperament type or another.

Release the Pressure

Even with all the preparation in the world, there will be times when stress causes a child to act out in ways contrary to learning. See if another adult can help with the rest of the classroom and take time for one-on-one with the child. Children respond to predictability, consistency, and reliability on the part of adults and their environment. 

For instance, an active child may strike out at another child or adult. What can we do? After acknowledging their feelings, we can try transitioning them to large muscle play, dancing, jumping, or sensory play. 

If a slow-to-warm child is shutting down, try to stay quietly nearby. Listen more than talk. Try reading a book or directing them to sensory play. The important thing is to respect their need for solitary time.

Images shows an area of the classroom where a child can retreat to self-regulate their feelings and emotions. The child is holding an Alphabet book in front of their face below a sign that says, "Calm Down Area".

For those who cling and whine, we can fulfill their need for attention by hugging, holding, deep breathing, or trying to introduce them to sensory play with others.

Support and guidance are key; any form of punishment enforces a sense of helplessness. Show empathy with silence. Acknowledge feelings. Guess at the meaning, but try not to assume, even if you think you know. Repeating what you hear shows a child you are listening.

Prepare for Transitions

“Transitions can be a particular concern related to young children’s behavior and frequently impact how orderly the classroom environment is.” -NAEYC

Transitions, or changes, occur repeatedly throughout a child’s day beginning from the moment they wake up. From bed to the bathroom, to the kitchen table for breakfast, to the bus or the car, from their parent’s arms to a group environment, the entire day is one of transitions. 

Transition time involves a lot of wait time in the early childhood environment (everyone has to finish the activity) and this can cause frustration, boredom, and distraction. Being prepared for transition time goes a long way toward making transitions fun and can ease the time for both educators and children.

  • Stick to routines.
  • Provide clarity around expectations. Be explicit about what is expected and what is about to happen next.
  • Minimize the transitions in which all children need to do the same thing at the same time.
  • Give plenty of warning.  
  • Provide extra guidance for those who need more time.
  • Provide verbal and nonverbal cues to upcoming transitions, for instance, photos of an upcoming activity or musical cues such as a bell or instrumental chord.
  • Have activities planned for those children who are quick to transition. 
  • Provide plenty of affirmations!

Being prepared for transition time goes a long way toward making transitions fun and can ease the time for both educators and children.

Sensitivity Is Key

Being a small child is not easy. They are entirely dependent upon the adults in their lives for their physical and emotional safety and enrichment. Language is yet to be acquired to the point where they can express their feelings and experiences. 

An educator’s job is not easy, either! There is a huge responsibility in caring for these young, impressionable humans. Prioritizing sensitivity and empathy for ourselves and our young charges can make all the difference in the days, weeks, and months together with them. Remembering that all behavior is a form of communication will help. And although the job isn’t easy, it is one of the most rewarding. Our investment in children’s social, emotional, and academic learning is a powerful force that sets them on a path to reaching their full potential in life.

References

Atlas of Emotions website, accessed October 25, 2024, (https://atlasofemotions.org/).

Chess, S., & Thomas, A. (1996). Temperament: Theory and practice. Brunner/Mazel.

NAEYC Resources / Publications / Young Children / March 2016 / Building Environments That Encourage Positive Behavior: The Preschool Behavior Support Self-Assessment

Read more blogs about early childhood education.

Download Transition Songs from SEEDS of Learning™

Transition songs help children transition smoothly between activities, take advantage of learning moments, and establish a predictable routine.